Therapy From the Orange Book
by Snazzy Elle
Summary: Inwardly he wondered how, over the years, he developed into Team Seven's assigned therapist. He really didn't get paid enough for this job. Kakashi-centric; Hints of SxS & NxH.


**The Who: **Team Seven and hints of NaruHina and SasuSaku.

**The Point: **I don't have one. Plot bunnies suck, especially at 7 AM.

**Pointless**: My first Naruto oneshot. Go easy. Also, because I am too lazy and it's late, this is unedited. I'll probably go back tomorrow and read through it.

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**T**_h_e**r**_ap_**y **_F_r**o**_m _t**h**_e _O**r**_a_n**g**_e _B**o**_o_k

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It's been seven years and he _still_ wonders how he puts up with it.

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i**. A**_c_t **O**_n_e, **S**_c_e**n**_e_ O**n**_e_

Hatake Kakashi hated kids. It was amazing that he was even being _assigned_ a genin squad to begin with. The silver-haired jounin was seriously starting to question the Sandaime's sanity because, hel_lo_, there had yet to be a group of kids that he's passed before. Perhaps the Hokage was beginning to go senile in his old age.

However, despite this fact, Kakashi stood in the front of the room as said old man read off names from a list. Next to him Asuma chuckled once he was assigned his team, deep baritone voice expressing how his team was the second generation Ino-Shika-Cho and it was an interesting combination. Mentally Kakashi agreed but he kept his lone, lazy eye fixed on the yellowed parchment holding the names of his brat-erm, _cell mates_.

"Hatake Kakashi, you will be in charge of Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura." Standing there with a rather impassive look on his face, the porn-loving man only shrugged his shoulders, ignoring the whispers floating around the room.

Sasuke and Naruto _together_? This was only going to mean disaster.

As Kakashi walked away from the Hokage's office, infamous little orange book in hand, he couldn't help but wonder exactly _what_ the old, crazed man had gotten him into this time.

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ii. A**c**_t _O**n**_e, _S**c**_e_n**e **_T_w**o**

"Why don't you tell me about your goals, likes, and dislikes?"

It was supposed to be a simple question, even though Kakashi already had an idea about this group of three. The one in orange-_Naruto_ was his name-looked erm..._colorful_ while the girl with the obnoxiously pink hair (Sakura, he reminded himself) seemed to be absolutely smitten with anti-social boy in blue named Sasuke.

This was going to be a long day alright. The first encounter with these three led to him being smacked in the face with a chalk eraser. He believed that his thoughts were perfectly expressed when he said that, based upon his first impression, he hated them.

They definitely weren't proving him any differently.

Exhaling deeply and leaning his body against the railing behind him, Kakashi fought off the urge to fail them right then and there, "I'll go first. Hm...well, I really don't feel like telling you three pipsqueaks about myself, so Naruto can go next." Across from him the three children sweat dropped, not knowing what to think of their new, so-called _sensei. _Almost too enthusiastic for his own good, Naruto adjusted his headband laying flat on his forehead, wide grin spreading on his lips. "Hi! I'm Naruto, I love ramen and, one day, I'm going to become Hokage, dattebayo!"

Inside of his mind, Kakashi was already compiling a list of characteristics for his new team. Underneath Naruto's name he inscribed: _hyper and too loud for his own good_.

Sakura was next, her fingers sprayed across her knees. "I'm Haruno Sakura and there is a certain _someone_ I like," as her eyes trailed to the boy sitting next to her Kakashi wanted to smack his face. If there was another thing he disliked besides brats, it was _gushing_ brats, "And I hate Naruto!" Well...that was certainly unexpected. Naruto's face fell from this information and, like usual, Sasuke's face was impassive.

Hatake Kakashi was starting to loathe this team based upon second impressions.

There was a silence as the young Uchiha's eyebrows furrowed together for a second or two. "I'm Uchiha Sasuke and I don't like anything and dislike many things. I have two goals, one being to restore my clan and the next to destroy a certain man."

"..."

"..."

"...Y'know, Sasuke-kun, that's kind of creepy," remarked Sakura and the Uchiha shot her a death glare that had her quivering where she sat. Kakashi took back every negative thought he had about Naruto or Sakura. Them he could handle.

Uchiha Sasuke?

_"I am in way over my head with this one,"_ he thought to himself, amused expression painted across his face from underneath that mask of his.

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iii. _A_c**t **_O_n**e, **_S_c**e**_n_e **T**_h_r**e**_e_

Even though they failed terribly, he still passed them in the end.

...He wondered if he was smoking something that day because their teamwork had to be the _worse_ he had ever seen.

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iv. A**c**_t _O**n**_e_, S**c**_e_n**e **_F_o**u**_r_

Somewhere between Sasuke almost dying during their fight with Haku and Zabuza, Naruto almost being eaten alive by a giant serpent during the Chuunin exams, and Sakura almost suffocating to death during Naruto and Gaara's fight, Hatake Kakashi came to truly and genuinely care for his team. Also, during this time, he had started to really get a feeling for his teammate's personalities.

Naruto, even though he _was _hyperactive and loud, had the most determined soul Kakashi had even laid his eye upon. He wouldn't give up until the end, even if it meant him suffering in the process. It was commendable and the silver-haired jounin was beginning to wonder if he had accidentally mislabeled the blonde as an air-headed, mediocre shinobi.

On the other hand, Sasuke was still cold and impassive, but-in rare moments-it was obvious he cared about both Naruto and Sakura just from the way he fiercely protected them during a fight. He denied it though, refusing to let anyone see that he could be anything but closed and reserved. In many ways, Kakashi noted, Sasuke was just like him when he was younger. The only real issue that he saw with the young Uchiha was that superiority complex of his.

And Sakura? Well, the pink-haired kunoichi was the one that shocked him the most. She was _weak_ in many aspects, but...

Her temper was truly frightening.

She was the the one who would scowled him when he was late, calling him a liar whenever he gave half-assed excuses such as 'getting lost on the road of life' or 'having to help an old lady cross the street'. She was violent and bipolar, although she only beat Naruto, and Kakashi was beginning to wonder if she had a duel personality. Despite this she could be kind and motherly, should her temperament be cooled that day. He, like the other two boys on the team, felt a need to protect her if danger ever popped up.

It shouldn't have shocked him that it would be Sakura that made him her personal therapist first.

On one particular evening, as the boys of Team Seven were off collecting firewood (which Kakashi knew would end in a competition) he couldn't help but notice how his pink-haired teammate sighed deeply one minute after another, small hands picking at the grassy field underneath them.

Against his better judgement, he asked what was wrong.

"It's Sasuke-kun," she exclaimed, temper rising up as her hands curled into tiny fists, "and his emotionally-constipated self! Ugh, Kakashi-sensei, why are men so dumb?" He blinked owlishly, trying to open his mouth to give her the best advice he knew before she interrupted, "Oh, sorry, you're not dumb. Well, sometimes when you're always reading those stupid porn novels that you try to pass off as literature-"

"Sakur-"

"Or when you're always late for _everything_-"

"Sak-"

"Oh! And then we can't forget your knack for _never teaching me anything at all_-"

"Sakura," she stopped in her rant, red blooming on her cheeks as she realized her mistake.

"Sorry Kakashi-sensei," she replied simply, eyes moving down to her hands. "I got carried away. Anyways, night!" As she laid down, Kakashi only stared at the angelic little girl with one thought on his mind:

Why haven't we gotten her medical help again?

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v.** A**_c_t **T**_w_o, **S**_c_e**n**_e _O**n**_e_

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Even though he doesn't like to hear people cry, he stands there as Sakura wails all over his vest when Naruto informs him that he couldn't bring Sasuke back. On top of all this, he was leaving the village to train with Jiraiya.

"You won't leave me, right Kakashi-sensei?"

He only pats her head for confirmation.

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vi. A**c**_t _T**w**_o_, S**c**_e_n**e **_T_w**o**

It's been two years already when Team Seven is finally reunited.

There is an additional member to the team-Sai, his name is-now; Sasuke's _replacement_. Naruto and Sakura, both grown up and _so_ much stronger than he ever expected, are both determined to bring the Uchiha back, even if it's the last thing they do.

In the distant he can see Naruto and Sakura sparring from over the top of his pages, normal expression on his face as he turns his gaze back on the book.

"Kakashi-san?" The silver-haired jounin sparred Sai a sideways glance, eyebrow lifted, "I...I need advice from you."

Inwardly he wondered how, over the years, he developed into Team Seven's assigned therapist. Regardless of this lone thought, the silver-haired man nodded, which was all the confirmation Sai needed to continue with his questioning.

"I was wondering what Himeko and Satoshi were doing on page ninety-five in Icha Icha Paradise. You know, when it says that she lowered herself reverse cowgirl on his bugling sh-"

Kakashi quickly snapped his book shut, exposed eye crinkling in a smile, "Ah, Sai, why don't you ask that to Naruto? I'm sure he'd be better at explaining than I would be."

Looking at though he was considering this thought, Sai nodded vigorously and offered a fake smile. "You are right, Kakashi-san. Dickless would know about this subject. He does like penises after all."

For once, Kakashi had to hold back a fit of laughter.

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vii. _A_c**t**_ T_w**o, **_S_c**e**_n_e** T**_h_r**e**_e_

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto is fidgeting in front of him, a clearly nervous expression shining on his face. From the way he is fidgeting (which isn't saying much, considering he can't stay still), the silver-haired jounin in question could only surmise that something was troubling the young boy. His blue eyes landed on his former sensei, urging him to ask what was wrong so he could start venting.

He sighed, wondering why he couldn't get a team filled with Shikamaru-type-teenagers. Sure he was _lazy_, but he honestly never seemed to have issues that needed to be sorted out. Unlike Team Seven.

Flipping open his orange book and leaning against the bridge near the training fields, Kakashi waved a hand, signaling Naruto to begin his story against his better judgement. Knowing the blond-haired boy, this was probably some situation that was overly dramatized.

Naruto beamed though, his covered arms folding over his chest as he thought about the best way to describe the situation. "Okay," he began, bobbing his head up and down as if agreeing with the thoughts in his brain, "So I have this friend named Bob, okay? And Bob is a pretty sexy guy, if I do say so myself. Yeah, so, Bob has a friend named Susan that he's head-over-heels for, but Susan likes this guy named Tom who left the village a few years back."

"Naruto, where did you meet this people?"

"Uh...Suna! Yeah, in Suna." Kakashi really didn't feel like telling Naruto that, despite visiting Suna twice, he was never out of his sight for too long, meaning that this so called 'Bob' character was himself; typical. Motioning for him to continue, Kakashi's eyes went back to his book and he listened on. "Anyways, see, Bob has this other friend named Sally, right? Bob and Sally really don't hang out a lot, but...one day something happened and Sally confessed that she loved Bob and now Bob can't stop thinking about her."

So Sally was Hinata, concluded Kakashi with a wry smile on his face, "So you like Hyuga Hinata?"

"Ye-wait, _no_!" Naruto quickly corrected his mistake, red tint blossoming on his face, "_Bob _likes _Sally_."

Closing his book with a small popping noise, the silver-haired jounin looked up at the orange-wearing ninja and sighed deeply. "You can like more than one person, Naruto. Also you should take into consideration how Hinata feels about being rejected. I suggest you think about it." Turning his back to him, Kakashi opened his book and strolled off, leaving a confused Naruto in his wake.

He honestly wasn't paid enough for this.

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viii. A**c**_t _T**h**_r_e**e**_, S_c**e**_n_e** O**_n_e

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And suddenly he's back, on the verge of dying, and the only thing Kakashi can say to him is how he's missed him, like the rest of Team Seven.

...But he doesn't refrain from calling his actions stupid.

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ix. **A**_c_t** T**_h_r**e**_e, _S**c**_e_n**e **_T_w**o**

It's been two years since Sasuke returned to the village and, somehow, everything magically falls back into place. Of course he was still on probation from any high-classed missions (Naruto and Sakura were working on that), but Kakashi was more than happy to accept smaller scale missions if it meant Naruto and Sakura's happiness. As they sat together by the fire underneath the starry sky, the silver-haired jounin couldn't help but notice how _far _this students had come. Naruto was a jounin, like himself, and was planning on taking the ANBU exams come next fall while Sakura remained at chunnin level, not having the time to advance further as the hospital's duties were slowly consuming her free time. As his eyes moved to Sasuke, Kakashi couldn't help but allow a sigh to escape his mouth.

Some people never change.

"Naruto and I are going to collect firewood!" announced Sakura in a cheery tone, hand gripping Naruto's, forcing him up rather violently. Tugging him off, Kakashi watched until their backs were no longer in sight and turned, body facing Sasuke even though his eyes were still glued on his novel. The remaining Uchiha was staring into the fire, onyx eyes as emotionless and impassive as ever.

Some _things_ never change.

"Ah, Sasuke," at the mention of his name the young man looked up, lifting an eyebrow up as to question his motives, "is something on your mind? You've been rather quiet." Mentally he added the 'er' to the end of that statement, but opted to not voice it.

Turning his face away from his former sensei, Sasuke rested his chin on top of his hand, "Hn." Well, that got him no where. Clearing his throat, Kakashi tried again.

"You know, you can talk to me, Sasuke. I'm only looking out for you."

"Hn."

"...Is it Sakura?"

Sasuke's eyes slid over to Kakashi, eyebrow raising again as to question '_What does Sakura have to do with anything_?' and rolled his eyes.

"We aren't blind you know. Even Naruto notices how you look at her. There isn't anything wrong with liking a girl."

And Sasuke doesn't answer, choosing to stare into the fire as Naruto and Sakura walk back, arms filled with twigs and other random tree branches. Kakashi only chuckles as Naruto trips, items flying out of his arms and some whacking Sasuke in the head, which earned Naruto a quick death threat and glare.

Yes, some things never change.

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x. _F_i_n_**a**l_ A_**c**_t_

As Sakura slides her picnic basket over to him using her free hand, bright smile on her face on her face, Kakashi can't help but feel a little touched at his team's actions.

"Happy birthday Kakashi-sensei. Man, you're getting so old!" calls out Naruto, arm wrapped around the Hyuga heiress' waist, blue eyes flickering to the small pile of gifts which translated into _they are for you_. Sasuke makes a 'tching' noise in the background, pointer finger loosely wrapped around Sakura's as he averted his eyes to the photographer who was already there. Sakura giggled and stood up, removing her hand from Sasuke's grip to help up her teacher with a bright smile.

"Let's pose, okay? And _please_ don't make stupid faces this time."

"Does that mean you as well, Ugly?" voiced Sai who was sitting contently on the blanket spread out underneath the shady tree. Even though he was part of Team Seven, everyone agreed that this retake should be the _original_ trio. Sai didn't seem to mind at all, which was something they were thankful of.

Kakashi can't help but laugh as both Sasuke and Naruto held back their pink-haired teammate, the glint of murder in her eyes. From the side Hinata was quietly giggling into her hand, amused by the scene created by Team Seven. The silver haired man stood proudly behind his team, hands reaching out to rest on top of Sasuke and Naruto's head in a reminiscent image of their old team photo. In front of him Sakura squeezed in, hands reaching for both Naruto and Sasuke.

Everything looked perfect and as the photographer went to click the still-frame, Naruto had managed to slip bunny ears behind Sasuke, who was shooting the blond death rays. Kakashi looked flat-out amused and Sakura was yelling at the two boys, as per usual.

_Click_.

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As Kakashi looked at the picture sitting in the frame, he smiled and noted that it was dysfunctional and perfect, just like his team; no...just like his family.

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_Fin. _

So, uh...read and review? Ciao!


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